I can't get enough of parents being mean to their kids!

In case you forgot what I look like in my extended absence...

...I present you with...our engagement pictures!  Oh, man.  Standing in an abandoned parking lot in a dress when it's freezing cold and making out is something you only do for engagement pictures. 

I promise to be back soon.  With pictures of my first successful craft.  Ever.

Things I loved this week:

1. Open Letter to that 53% Guy

2. I would tell my younger self not to take myself so seriously.   And to dump several boyfriends.

3. Here's to finding someone who makes you laugh.

4. You sneaky Mom!  The two kids at the end are friggin' awesome.

Happy weekend!  We're going to our favorite karaoke bar tonight!  I've been thinking all week about my song selections and I think I've crafted the perfect list.  It includes Mariah Carey and Phil Collins, with a little Disney thrown in for good measure.  When will my talent be discovered so I can quit this silly day job and give the people what they want?

August 11, 2012. Be there or be square.

Consider this your unofficial Save the Date (except for YOU, random blog-lurker from Germany!).  

 

So far we have a big empty room and two cases of wine.  Using my best math skills, I figure that means we can each have half of a glass.  But I really hate math, so don't quote me on that.  In fact, whenever I'm interviewing kids for work and they tell me that math is their favorite subject, I tell them that math is dumb and they should get a different favorite subject.  TAKE THAT, MR. DAWSON.  (Mr. Dawson was my high school geometry teacher and based on my inability to grasp basic math concepts, I don't think he expected me to make much of myself.  I'm getting back at him by ruining math for a whole new generation.)

 

Point is, don't come up to me at the wedding demanding your half of a glass of wine.  I COULD BE WRONG. 

 

Izzy has 315 days to learn how to carry our rings down the aisle.

Turns out, I had to go all the way to Paris to find out that I don't really like macarons!

 

 

That was a shocker!  I was so convinced I'd love them that I insisted we buy a whole box from a pâtisserie (I have no idea what that thing above the "a" is.  You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl).  I was just so sure I'd want a whole box of them!

 

I tried all the flavors and then we threw them away.  Macarons are yucky.

 

And that was the most surprising thing that happened while we were away.

 

The end.

 

Sike!

 

There was also this:

My favorite part of this picture is Matt's surprised face.  I can't decide if it's like, "Whoa, where did she get that ring?" Probably more like, "OMG, what have I done?"

Anyway, I'm sure this came as no surprise to any of you, as I was pretty adamant about notifying people so that they didn't find out via Facebook.  Although I hope my ex-boyfriends found out on Facebook.  And then went to bed and cried. 

In all seriousness, we're very excited.  And Matt's somehow under the impression that being engaged "gives him more freedom."  Which is hilariously adorable.  So we're off to a good start.


XOXOXO

Risking our lives to save a buck ($1200 bucks, actually).

Iron Maiden Singer To Pilot Iceland Express Flights

"Bruce Dickinson, perhaps best known as the lead singer of classic heavy metal band Iron Maiden, will be piloting some Iceland Express flights.

The National Post reports that the flights would be between Winnipeg and Reykjavík, on board a specially-marked plane known as "Ed Force One", named after Eddie, Iron Maiden's mascot.

For those concerned about the expertise of the singer to pilot a Boeing 757, it should be noted that Dickinson has logged over 7,000 flight hours of commercial aircraft, and took part in flying 200 U.K. citizens home from Lebanon during the Israel/Hezbollah conflict. He also flew some Iceland Express flights in 2008.

In an e-mail response to the National Post, Dickinson said, "I never intended to become a professional pilot, but as I became more curious about aircraft, and, well, not being John Travolta, I realized that the only way I was ever going to fly a jet was if I got a job!"

Iceland Express is not saying if Dickinson will be piloting the inaugural flight between Reykjavík and Winnipeg, but it did say that he will also be behind the wheel of some flights between the Icelandic capital and Boston and Chicago."

Godspeed.

Holy Christ, it's a piece of paper!

To round out our July of weddings, we hit up Cleveland, to see our friends Jeff and Sarah get hitched.  We had a great time and...get this...they had a photo booth.  It's like they knew I was coming.  I mean, I guess technically, they did, since I RSVP'd and all.  But still.  Congrats, you two!

Then I went home for my Dad's 60th birthday.  We ate and drank and hiked and swam and ate and drank more.

The following weekend, we headed to MI, where we biked in Tour des Lac for 36 miles!  Luckily there was ice cream and pizza and beer, so we were ok.  And Matt and I didn't even kill each other (despite the fact that I sang this for most of the way).

And in just six days, we leave for Europe.  If something tragic happens on Iceland Express airways, I want to make it clear that I don't want all of you to fight over who gets to raise Izzy.  She has enough love to share with all of you!

And I don't own a single polo.

My undergrad college was in HuffPo yesterday for being one of the "Preppiest Schools of 2011."

Over the weekend I met a fellow MU alum.  He and I got into a debate with some Michigan State grads about who had the prettier campus (MU, no contest).  WHAT A TOTAL FIRST WORLD DISCUSSION! 

So, see, I didn't need HuffPo to tell me MU was a preppy school.  All I needed was to remember that I got into a heated argument on the dance floor of a wedding about who had the nicer quad to throw up on to know that it was a pretty preppy school.

We do weddings real good.

Charlie and Lauren's was a blast and was incredibly beautiful.  Although I'm not sure how I know that, since I spent most of the night in the photobooth.

No joke.

What is that you say?  There are other people at this wedding who would like to use this photobooth?

Tough.  I haven't seen enough of myself yet.

One of my Thirty Before Thirty goals was to give up TV for a month.  In theory, this shouldn't be hard.  We didn't have cable when I was growing up, I don't remember watching a lot of TV in college, and when I moved to the city I just had bunny ears, which don't really work in Chicago.

 

Then I moved in with Matt.  Who loves TV unabashedly.  He frequently says very sweet things to me that I discover months later are direct quotes from Friends episodes (Do you think we're Ross and Rachel, or Monica and Chandler?  Probably Monica and Ross).  And before I knew it, I was making up for lost time, watching anything and everything.  Sometimes twice.  There was so much I had missed out on! 

 

So it's day 5.  And last night we had a 20 minute conversation about whether I should get an electric toothbrush.  Because that's the kind of shit you talk about when you're forced to do nothing but interact all the time.  And luckily we didn't come to any conclusions, so we still have something to talk about for the next 25 days. 

 

God help us.

I was never this good at cheerleading.

Happy Fourth of July!

Goosebumps, I tell you!

When they opened up the doors to the chapel and Jaime stood there with her parents, sunlight streaming in behind her, a lifetime of love and happiness ahead of her, I got goosebumps.

And they remained for most of the night.

Congrats, my love!  See you in eleven days!

Happy Father's Day!

Dear Dad,
Mom and I spent Father's Day weekend spending your money eating and shopping, leaving you to do whatever it is you do when we're not around.  And I think that's exactly how you would prefer it.  You will not be so lucky next month for your birthday. 

All my love,
Nikki

P.S. Thank you for putting up with us!  You're the best!

SB2K11OBX By the Numbers

3: Popped collars at our "Yacht Rock" party.
36: Number of hours spent on the road.  Only truly horrible during the last five or so.
1: Bushel of crabs eaten.  This was the cause of one super-deep cut on my finger, which we have dubbed a "white person injury."  "Oh, this?  I got it eating Jimmies in the surf."
50: SPF needed to protect our Midwestern winter skin.  I packed SPF 15, which may have been optimistic.  I never did get to step down.
24: Bottles of wine consumed.  This figure does not include champagne, which I would estimate at another ten bottles.
3: Pieces of sea-glass found.  To be fair, my mom wasn't there to help me.
20: Pounds of pork shoulder devoured.  In hindsight, this makes me a little sick.
2: Number of skinny dippers.  None of which were me.
3 Million: Number of stars we saw when the electricity on the island went out one night.  My favorite hour of the trip.

Until next time, OBX.

I know! I know!

Please watch this video from the 4:30 mark.  It's just so timely.

He's got to be pissed that Justin Timberlake is still making money.

Lots of goings on going on:

 

Carly is one of my oldest friends.  I know it sounds cliche, but she's one of those people you can not see for years and when you finally do, it feels like it's been days.  I can confidently say that she is the exact same person she was in third grade.  And that's a good thing.  So I was excited for her to become Carly Marie Carmel Boda Wallis (I'm pretty sure I remember helping her pick Carmel as her confirmation name.  Any regrets on that one, Carly?).

 (Yes, I am that pale.)

And as if her wedding wasn't awesome enough, something made it EVEN MORE AWESOME.

Because this guy was there:

Don't recognize him?  He's Chris Somethingorrather from 'N Sync.  And he was a plus one.  And he danced to "Bye, Bye, Bye."  And we made a video.  And I will share it with you in private if you ask nicely. 

 

Then I went to St. Louis for Jaime's bachelorette party.  It was both classy and rowdy at the same time.  There may or may not have been a trip to the hospital and we may or may not have ended the night on a bus with a sauna.  But what happens in St. Louis stays in St. Louis, so that's all I have to say about that. 

 (I think her veil is on upside down.  We'll sort it out before the big day.)

And now we have just one week until we leave for the Outer Banks.  I reeeeally hope we all still like each other after the 18 hour road trip.  I will pack Capri Suns and mix CDs to be sure.

 

And three months from today we leave for Europe.  EUROPE.  I've never been and we found dirt cheap flights.  Sure, we're flying with Iceland Express airways and I'm not totally convinced that it's a real airline, but at least if we go down, we'll go down on our way to Europe!  

 

And now I'm off to practice saying, "Notre avion va de crash!"

"Mother's Day, it's beautiful thought, but it's somebody's hurtin' conscience that thought of the idea. It was someone who had neglected their mother for years, and then they figured out: I got to do something about Momma. And knowing Momma was that easy, they figured, "we'll give her a day, and it will be all right with Momma." Give her a day, and then in return Momma gives you the other 364. See?" - Will Rogers

Happy Mother's Day, Momma!  I love you more than you know.

Just 28 to go!

After giving it some thought, I decided not to publish my previously mentioned Thirty Before Thirty list.  I don't need people judging me for all those salted caramels I ate this weekend when Goal #25 is to "Reach stupid secret goal weight." (That's a real goal.)

But, I will brag about the fact that I crossed something off the list.

I am the proud new owner of an IRA.  That stands for "something Retirement something."  I am taking charge of my financial future.  And, get this...it's not just some lame, bank-held IRA that just sits there doing nothing!  It's a stock market/mutual fund/whatchamacallit!  Because I am young and can afford to take risks!  It is out there this very second making me money!

Well, actually, in the four months I've had it, it's only made me like, $17.  And one month it actually lost me money.  Which was very confusing, since films like Wall Street would have me believe that stockbrokers are working tirelessly and sometimes even illegally to make my money make more money.  But maybe that just goes to them.

Side Rant: I frequently think about how unfortunate it is that I like working with kids and families for a living.  Because if I liked working with hedge funds or something I would be much better off.  (Disclaimer: I have no idea what a hedge fund is, although I have a feeling it's been explained to me numerous times).  And don't start telling me I'm better off spiritually/emotionally/whatever because of what I do.  That may be true, but right now momma has her eye on a new spring wardrobe that she can't afford and wishes she worked with hedge funds.

Question: Is it too late?  Answer: I just Googled "Is it too late for me to start a career in hedge funds?"  I didn't find an answer.  But what I did find was a book titled, "Hedge Fund Wives."  It's about a hedge fund wife who becomes "increasingly aware of her husband's growing preoccupation with money and appearances."  This is clearly the way to go and I'll try to convince Matt to start a career in hedge funds when I get home, as I have no problem with him having a preoccupation with money and appearances.  So that's settled.

Anway, although this was apparently a crummy time to get an IRA, my investment company tells me there is no time like the present to invest.  And I will continue to blindly listen to my investment company because it assisted me in accomplishing Goal #16 "Set up a retirement fund."

Back by popular demand!

And by "popular demand" I mean my mom and my sister asked about why I hadn't posted.  And that's all the demand I need to feel like they like me!  They really like me!  And who am I not to give the people what they want?

 

I have no excuses, except that March was cray-cray.  I hate those people who are always bragging about how busy they are and how full their social schedules are and making you feel bad about your own monotonous nights filled with reruns of Law and Order SVU and leftovers with your cat.  But for realsies, it was a busy month.  Here is the short version:

 

Visit from Signe: Technically pre-March, but post-the last blog posting.  We made a second attempt at this awesome moment:

The only thing missing were those awesome bangs and I think that's for the best.

 

Trip to St. Louis for Jaime's bridal shower: Glad I could be there for the kick-off of their wedding festivities!  It was a quick, 36-hour trip, but we stayed up very late and made the best of it!

Steve and Katrina came to visit: Cuban food, dancing, and matzo ball soup ensued.  We also celebrated Derek's birthday.  The theme was green.  Like, the color.  Not eco-friendly.  There was a lot of dressing up, but I'm not totally sure why.  

This is a wig.  And thank God for that because the birthday boy looks like a real child molester with that hair.

Matt will literally take ANY excuse to wear a vest without a shirt on.  The kid was born to be a Chippendales dancer.  

 

Amber came to visit: I got to see her for four nights which is a total rarity!  We ate our way through most of the city and I miss her face already.

Sometimes we wear matching outfits.  By accident.  

 

Indoor water park for Jeannil's b-day: Honest to God, this was her birthday wish.  To go to an indoor water park filled with screaming kids and E. coli.  I wish I had pictures from this day.  It was surreal.  Thank goodness they had a bar.  Also, Matt scraped up his face horsing around in the lazy river.  And the only thing more sad than a bunch of adults without kids at an indoor water park is an adult busting up his grill at an indoor water park.

Throw in a trip to Michigan to celebrate Kelsey's birthday, which was great, and a trip to Minnesota for a family funeral, which was both sad and beautiful, and that wraps up March.

Clearly we're well into April.  And there's nothing on the agenda for a few weeks.  And that makes me so, so happy.  Because while March was full of fun times...sometimes I need to watch reruns of Law and Order SVU and eat leftovers with my cat.

I’ll be honest.  I forgot this thing existed.  To be fair, my memory is getting worse by the second.  I watched four Law and Order SVU episodes yesterday and I couldn’t tell you what any of them were about if my life depended on it.    I’d guess rape.  Or murder.  Or a rape-murder combo.

Anyway.

I took a new position at work.  I’d tell you what it is, but I’m not entirely sure yet and I won’t know more until I start next week.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn’t involve a mop and a broom.  In good news, my new position came with a raise!  In bad news, my health insurance payment went up exactly that amount.  Universe: 1; Nikki: 0.

I had Matt thisclose to letting us drive to Mount Vernon, Indiana to pick up an adorable and expensive puppy over the weekend.  Mostly because I was bored and needed a little excitement in my life.  Damn this Chicago weather!  We were going to name him Watson or Gary and he was going to love me and do all sorts of tricks and play nice with Izzy.  Somehow Matt managed to stall long enough that I forgot all about the puppy.  Which is probably what I would have done once we got Watson home (see above about progressively worsening memory).  This is best for everyone.  Mostly Watson.

In other news, I found out today that John Travolta is bald.  This pretty much rocked my world.  What else don't I know?  Things are not as they seem!  God, if I find out that Michael Bolton's beautiful mane isn't real I might just give up on life right now.

We have an exciting few weeks coming up!  This weekend, my friend Signe is in town.  Next weekend, I’m off to St. Louis for Jaime’s bridal shower.  And the following weekend, our friends Steve and Katrina are coming to stay.  So I’ll have lots to report on when I check back in!  And maybe pictures.  I'm sure you're dying to see a picture of me, in my sweatpants, watching Law and Order SVU while I browse the internet for puppies, but I prefer to keep you waiting.

Where the Hell is that global warming everyone is talking about?

I shouldn't be whining.  I am, after all, at home having the first snow day I've had since my days as a Big Walnut Eagle.  They are still just as exciting.

Hightlights:
1. The Chicago Police Department bought a whole bunch of snowmobiles to rescue stranded drivers during the blizzard.  And because snowmobiles are fun.
2. Chicago Public Schools were closed for the first time in 12 years.  Those poor kids deserved a damn snow day.
3. We got to see "thundersnow" which is every bit as awesome as it sounds.

Even Matt stayed home today, although as I type he's sitting next to me doing work.  He has no idea how to have a snow day.  Rule One: You do not do work on a snow day.  Rule Two: See Rule One.

Before all this chaos began, I spent a very quick weekend in Sunbury celebrating my quasi-Aunt Dee's birthday.  I got pretty sick while I was there, which my mom attributes to all the rum cake I ate.  I don't know why I thought that baked goods ladened with liquor wouldn't have the same effect on me that liquor normally has.  Damn that cake for being so delicious and deceptive!  Nevertheless, Happy birthday, Dee!  I hope you had a snow day today, too and are spending the afternoon in your reading room!

Now it's time for me to get back to not working.  I realize I've been a negligent blogger lately and I promise more posts just as soon as I damn well feel like it.

Stop whatever you're doing.

Somehow, I managed to miss the Miss America pageant last night.  I was ridiculously focused on a Settlers of Catan game and it just wasn't on my radar.  Even though I won the game, I was pretty pissed when I realized what I'd missed out on.

But all is not lost, because I got to see this clip today:

Is this not the most awesome thing you've ever seen?  You know all the other contestants were totally talking trash about her behind her back.  But, the joke is on them!  Because while they ALL danced and sang (honestly, like all 51 of them), she ventriloquized (I had to look that up) AND yodeled, bitch!

Miss Arkansas, you got robbed! 

I'm surprised this thing is even still here!

I'm actually a little hungover.  Correction: I'm a lot hungover.  As a result, I don't have a lot to say so I'll just share some of my favorite pictures from the holidays.  I had an AMAZING time in the Outer Banks and am pretty unhappy about being back.  I was really born to be on vacation.  Permanently. 

We worked REALLY hard to find a live Christmas Tree on the island.  Success!

Puzzling and boozing go hand-in-hand.

Thurman refusing to let my parents dance without him.  He's got dependency issues.

Note to self: Grandpa lets you eat ice cream when you wake up on Christmas morning before everyone else. 

This WHOLE tree washed up on shore!

 Couples portrait.  Done.

 Bay Point Middle School is #1!  In what, I do not know.

Adorable.

 The children eventually got a little cabin fever.

 Annual Family Photo made creepy.