It was a rough week.

To start with, my clients are all driving me crazy. I had a handful of home visits this week and I don't think a single one of the homes had AC. I gave the fastest legal advice possible. Also, because it’s summer, kids are out of school and seem to be doing nothing but milling about and causing trouble. Which is exactly what I used to do in the summers, but boy is it obnoxious. And, I just got an iPhone and couldn’t figure out how to use *67 all week, so now way too many of my clients have my cell phone number. And have been using it. “We’re out of food. Better call Nikki.” “Little Jimmy down the street got busted for pot. Nikki will know what to do.” “Wheel of Fortune has been moved to 10AM. Nikki should know about this.” Ok. It's not that bad. But, still.

Then Izzy got sick. She had to go to the vet. She meowed and meowed until they stuck a thermometer in her butt and then she went totally mute and I don’t think she’ll ever be the same. To make matters worse, we have to give her TWO kinds of medicine TWICE a day and she has been ridiculously unhappy about us shoving things down her throat all the time. It’s like a war-zone around here.

And now Saturday is here and it’s time to party, but there’s rain in the forecast all weekend. Ok, week. You win. I give up.

As a side note, my sister scolded me this week for mentioning penises so many times during my last post. Apparently my nieces and nephew are following my blog.

Hey guys! Auntie Nikki apologizes for all of the penis-talk. To make up for it, I’ll be sure your mom brings you home lots of souvenirs after her visit next weekend. (It just took me three tries to spell “souvenirs”). Which reminds me. MY SISTER IS COMING TO VISIT! IN LESS THAN A WEEK!
P.S. Nate-Matt says “hi!”

I hate yoga and that's ok.

Matt and I just did yoga. For an hour and a half. That’s an hour and a half of my life that I can’t get back.

From Stuff White People Like:

“Participation in this activity requires large amounts of money and time, both of which white people have a lot of. Yoga is basically the practice of stretching for one hour. Stretching should only take five minutes, other peoples would rather spend the extra fifty five minutes playing in an actual sport or spending time with their families and friends.

Yoga is also an expensive activity. It gives white people the chance to showcase their $80 pants. The cost of four yoga classes is equal to the amount of money it would take to pay for uniforms and travel costs of an AAU Basketball team in the inner city. Lastly like other stuff that white people like, yoga feels exotic and foreign and deep down in some way, white people feel that participation makes up for years of colonial rule in India.”

I agree with the folks from SWPL. I’m done with you now, yoga. I gave you a chance but unfortunately, I hate you. And I don’t even feel a little bit bad about it.

I'll add that to my list of "Things I Tried to Like But Just Can't", which includes: tequila, Harry Potter, wasabi, and TV on the Radio, amongst other things.

XOXOXO

Amber’s Bridal Shower & Bachelorette Extravaganza!

About a year ago, Amber asked me to be her Maid of Honor. I’m still not totally sure what my role entails, even though I’ve seen almost every romantic comedy known to man, and my mom bought me a book called “The Bridesmaid's Handbook.” I skimmed the book and it seems like mostly I’m supposed to carry a bunch of safety pins with me at all times, and hold her dress if she needs to pee. Also, there was the little matter of organizing of a bridal shower/bachelorette party. Yikes.



Amber was pretty strict about not wanting to wear anything penis-shaped, drink out of anything penis-shaped, or eat anything penis-shaped. So I was pretty much at a loss for ideas since I think that’s about all my book suggested.

We ended up renting a gorgeous lake house in Hartwell, GA (aka The Middle of Nowhere). It was four days of rum-soaked cherries, presents, floating in the lake, cake-pops, Catch-Phrase, and getting caught up on all things wedding-related. There wasn’t a penis, or penis-shaped item in sight. There were eleven of us, which luckily included Amber’s momma and two of her aunts, who kept us fed all weekend. And thank God for them, because my book mentioned nothing about that.



I am straight-up giddy with excitement about the October wedding, which is in Greenville, SC. I LOVE Greenville. It’s like a whole town was built around the idea of being quaint and adorable. And it is. After doing some Wiki-ing, I also learned that it’s the birthplace Nicholas Sparks (puke), The National Cat Groomers Institute of America, and Jesse Jackson (sidebar: I said ‘excuse me!', kind of sassy-like, as I scooted past Jesse Jackson at President Obama’s 2008 Election Night because he was in my way).

And don't worry, Amber. I've been stocking up on safety pins for months.

It's probably poor form to post about something so trivial when I should be posting about Amber's bridal shower/bachelorette extravaganza, or how great it was to see Jaime this week, or Izzy's third birthday (you all forgot and she absolutely noticed), but I've watched these clips twice today to cope with the ridiculousness that comes from dealing with families professionally, so I thought I'd share, just in case you're in need of a pick-me-up, too.





Apparently these videos received tons of comments on YouTube and then Old Spice responded. If you have time (make time), you have to watch them . Best 30 minutes of my day so far. And definitely helped counteract the 30 minutes I spent consoling Izzy because you all forgot her birthday.

My favorite response (wildly handsome face-parts...classic!):

Now, is it five o'clock, yet (or, in the world of underemployed non-profit attorneys, like myself, four-thirty)?

moto

So, we didn’t go to Nova Scotia. But what we did do was just as cool. In a convoluted, ridiculous way, Kasey credits me with bringing back his sense of taste after he lost it as a result of an injury. So when he came in town, he took me to moto, a fancy molecular gastronomy restaurant near my apartment. We had the Grand Tasting Menu which included twenty ridiculous courses.

MARGARITA ceviche
C02 grapefruit
BUBBLE tea
40MHZ pheasant
CLAM bake
YELLOW snow
NUAC man
BASEBALL snacks
CUBAN cigar
FOREST roll
DELI-STYLE pasta
SHABU shabuccino
DUCK & mole
CREPES that are cheese
WILD strawberry
CURRY lime
BANANA split
ACME bombs
CHOCOLATE, truffles
SODA float

And had I known what I was in for, I wouldn’t have eaten a giant burger at Flub-A-Dub-Chub just hours before. But I hung in there and even managed to drink most of the twenty glasses of wine that were paired with the meal (much to my body’s dismay the next day). My favorite course was the clam bake (where the waiter picked up the candle that had been on our table all night and poured it over my plate, because it turns out it was butter all along!), and my least favorite course was the forest roll, which had rabbit in it (RIP Jasmine). We were there for a whopping 5.5 hours and I enjoyed every second.

The next day we returned to my trashier roots and went to Navy Pier to get temporary tattoos and eat elephant ears. Fun in a much different way. THANK YOU, KASEY!